Someone Once Said...

"Don't let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and nature your battle. The world you desire can be won. It is real. It exists. It is possible. It is yours."

A Year of Findings

No, I haven't forgotten about you.

Sitting is one of the worst things that you can do for your mind. When you sit, you think. And when you think, you realize. Finals week is coming up and with that comes a lot of sitting and a whole lot more realizing. The biggest thing has been time. People emphasize how quickly college goes by, labeling it with a preconceived notion that you have to linger on every moment and keep blinking to a minimal. But why? I mean, I understand the obvious reasons why. Because it only happens once. Because it's the one time in your life where you can be so carefree. But what I think.... is that college isn't as glamorous when you're in it compared to when you're out. That could be a good thing-- it could mean that we only remember the friends, the fun, the beauty of it all and ignore all of the bad. But it's funny because when you're in it... it's the opposite. When you're in it you focus on the dreadful feeling of waking up at 5:45am to run a fitness test, or the agony of staying up until 5:45am studying for that Spanish midterm that you should have started studying for weeks ago. So while marking the halfway point in a so-far successful four years of college, I can't help but ask why. Why are we so consumed and so obsessed with being perfect, or being better than the best, or better than ourselves? Why are we caught in the middle of this vicious circle during which we will live college the best we know how and then graduate only to open the mental yearbook in fifteen years and realize that we could have done better? Then we'll tell all the naive kids that they need to take in the moment and make it count and do their best. We're becoming a Hallmark card.

So. This is my announcement. I.... am..... trying. If I could talk to the future me, I would tell her that I'm okay. I'm enjoying it. I walk through campus sometimes and make sure that I look around to take it all in. But it's hard, you know? It's hard focusing on taking things in when I don't know what to feel as a result of it. It's something I'll see again tomorrow. I'm that spoiled. But believe me... I'm okay. And I also know that everything is going to be okay, so don't worry about me worrying too much. I'm doing what I can to make things happen but also realize that there are means beyond my control and those aren't worth dwelling on. Also, there are things that I wish I could change about myself and believe me, I'm trying. So don't worry about that part either. I guess, essentially, don't worry at all. I lived it for you, future me, whether you're 22 or 60. So stop living in the past. Get up. Go outside.

And finally,
Noteworthy findings from the halfway point:
-Anything that can go on Facebook, will.
-Five Hour Energy shots shouldn't be used to stay awake in class. It'll just make you angry.
-Your professors usually do want you to do well, so showing that you care is a good way to get on the right track.
-Grades are important. Learning is more important.
-It's okay to not know.
-Don't let puberty fool you. Men of this age are hardly men at all.
-Nothing sucks more than group assignments.
-Interviewing the Chancellor isn't that scary. He's kinda short and that helped. A lot.
-Saying "thank you" to the bus drivers will make them happy.
-Drunk people are funny when you're drunk. Drunk people are annoying when you're sober.
-People will tell you just about anything to get you to do just about anything.

cx

old beginnings

well, this is it.

without any objectives or blueprints, i attempt a shot at the word that i've repeatedly clenched and forcefully swallowed... blogging.

it's not that i don't appreciate those who do; as a matter of fact, it's because of the people that do that i am here.

but enough about that.

the plan is to write. and write. and write.

because contrary to the thought of me getting away with a shallow life of oblivion and ignorance,

i've discovered that writing is a necessity in my life

a necessity for expression.

so even if you like it,

or hate it,

or even if i'm speaking to an empty audience (likely),

i promise i won't mistake myself again

and i promise to express... well... exceptionally expressively.

so long as you promise to hear and be heard.